A Challenge to Shine

creativity

After realizing that instead of growing into the most ideal version of my soul self I always imagined I’d be at this time, I’ve been losing more and more of my essence throughout the past six or more years, I am coming to the realization that something has to change dramatically. I would have never, as an old soul in a younger body, wanted for myself to lose so many of my values which also happened to be my favorite words at the time: zeal, originality, and vibrancy for and about life.

It has to be more than just a DailyOm course (I’ve purchased plenty and I still haven’t been able to finish any of them so far). It has to not only be a daily attempt… but a moment to moment determination to act from a place of originality and soul, rather than from the dusty old fears I’ve been “conditioned” with. One would think that by this time, I’d be able to lose the dust permanently, or simply flick them off to land on the forest floor and decompose. There is no reason, one would think, to NOT be living the most glorious lifestyle.

Especially because I am, in some ways, living the ideal life in the ideal location, surrounded by the most ideal jobs and people. But I’m not letting that seep into my soul. What, I have to ask myself, have I lost? What is it that I have forgotten? Something I’m missing? What am I not contributing to the world?

It’s something that I’m not picking up from day to day. This is me declaring, vulnerably enough, that I’m not reflecting my true colors and shining everywhere I go, though it may appear from the outside that I’m doing my best. The colors have lost their vibrancy. It’s sad, but a good revelation to have. Because otherwise, how would I be able to turn this around? I’m sharing this partly to hear insight from you, who was magically drawn to reading this post, and your challenges with maintaining your true colors from day to day. And so, what challenges do you face, and what do you challenge yourself with to test those challenges? Please help me remember.

I know, I know. TRUST has a lot to do with it… one of my weakest qualities. Trust is a muscle I need to build as much as any other muscle. This one, I believe, is especially important.

How can I intentionally go through each day with a zest for life in each second, building up my energy and health instead of destroying it? How do you build yourself up each day? What is your routine, and what are your methods out of your routine to gain just enough creativity to carry on with your days with a more beautiful essence than what you’d started with? What are your favorite quotes, favorite rules to live by? Best risks you’ve recently taken that made you feel more alive? What are your most inspiring moments? Most essential habits? Music that resonates with your soul the most?

And how can we challenge one another to feel our best and grow in a positive direction with each passing day? Just for this week, I want to keep track of this challenge and check in at the end of the week with other challenge undertakers. Perhaps even with a post per day…

 

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Mountaintop Hop

Cultured Narratives, Soul heartedly

On a midsummer day around the Evergreen, CO area, I never would have suspected I’d be invited to so many rare opportune events occurring the same day. First, the occasion arose of singing my songs in an enchanting style over the vast mountainous valley backdrop of Genesse, CO for a garden tour outside the most beautiful dream-like home. Literally dream-like. Just from glancing at it upon first sight, I recognized the exterior portion of Barbara Stanton’s home from dreams I’ve had in the past. How could this be?

I’ve found, however, this occurrence of ending up living through dreamlike states to be more frequent than one would expect. Throughout the past few years, I’ve recognized a few select special places in this particular mountain area from dreams– or somewhere deeply ingrained in my subconscious. When stepping inside Barbara’s home to take a look, it was just as familiar! It was as if this had been my home once before. The spaciousness of the valley, looking out the large windows, had an almost blue hue to it– a particular hue that I’d only seen before in dreams. I was enamored as much as I was honored to have been invited, serendipitously, by a friend (Carol) to this beautiful mountain to play my songs for all the garden club members and visitors from around the area.

 

Suntanned and sunhat-topped gardeners and visitors passed by, walking down the Spanish-style steps to the “ground-level” gardens, stopping to hear my music along their way. Halfway into the set, sitting on the bench, I was singing my song, Oh, Love: “Oh, love, tell me which way to go/ How else am I supposed to know?” when I got a notification, an invitation to a music festival happening on another mountain miles west of where I was. At the same time I received this invitation by phone, I ran into a familiar face, Mercedes, who had been introduced to me by another friend recently. I was surprised when she asked me if I was also coming to the festival on the other mountain. We’d been invited by the same person (Sheana)! I had never been to this “party” or festival before, but remembered the mention of it from years ago.

Butterflies fluttered around my face as I played the last hour in the perfect rays of sunlight peeking out behind the shade of the aspens and pines surrounding me on the bench. Around the corner of the bench from me was local artist Ted Garcia, doing a live painting for all the viewers to enjoy. With the art, music, vast array of flowers and plants, and the scent of incoming rain about to fall, to be at this picturesque location in Genesse was enlightening to all the senses.

After basking in the radiance of the sun all afternoon in the loveliest of gardens, we drove up separately to Idaho Springs and then Mercedes, Sheana and I rode together up the winding, muddy dirt road in Sheana’s Honda CR-V all the way to the haunting, enchanting mountaintop. Though it was beautiful, the rain was so heavy that Sheana wasn’t even able to bring Baxter, her infamous and beautiful rag doll cat who normally accompanies her to all her events.   A pirate ship stage was set up and Carla Vanessa was performing her unique versions of Top 40s’ hits, in both English and Spanish– a light haze amongst the distant mountains in the backdrop. Her style could be heard as a classic pop with a flare of rock. (Her whole repertoire of performing includes everything from coffee shop acoustic to pop rock to jazz.)

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Carla Vanessa and her band, 9420 Music Festival 2018. Photo by me.

Every summer since 2013, Dave had been hosting festivals near the end of July or August on top of his mountain with a scenic view at 9,420 feet– hence the given name of the festival, 9420 Music Festival. It began as a showcase for his friends to perform, as well as himself, being a musician. In 2014, the festival turned into a fundraiser to support a neighbor going through a health crisis. It has been a fundraiser ever since– in 2015, the fundraiser helped support Dave in funding after his house burnt down due to a sudden forest fire (which have unfortunately been common experiences for many homeowners in this area of Idaho Springs). He says that this year, he will continue with the festival this year, but it will not be a fundraiser.

The coolness of the rain was refreshing, although our feet were cold and wet. We stood by the fire, where we made a few new friends and listened to music by local and up and coming rock n roll artists: Slithy Tove, Chris Daniels & the Kings, Band of Brothers, Mesmerized, and other local artists. I remember spending the most time listening to Slithy Tove, getting submerged into their rock n roll covers and originals. We could feel the rush of the subversive energy, just as the band could, as Patrick O’Hara (lead guitarist) described. Familiar faces surrounded us in all directions, smiling despite the rain. Even on the wet grass, we gave up our standing positions by the fire and chose to dance barefoot in front of the stage. There is hardly a more liberating act than dancing on cool, wet grass.

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To Surrender

Uncategorized

 

 

As water rolls rapidly down the creek, I, too, am inspired to fall into its embrace and flow with the current. The extent to which our personal current can excel or suddenly come to a halt is truly intriguing; our entire reality can change in the blink of an eye… with every simple choice we make, with every thought, every action. Everything we do not only affects our health, and our personal reality, but everything and everyone around us. We don’t have to be the same person as we were yesterday, and in truth, we never are the same person. Moment to moment, our breath changes as something catches our eye, or our heart. We will never be the same as we were one moment ago. As our perceptions change, whether a choice, or by something that stirs our spirit in a more positive direction, the entirety of Life can also switch from darkness to lightness.

I write about Oneness often, because I know it exists. I know that Oneness is all there is– I found myself saying, this week, “To live the Truth is the only way to live.” Still, I find it a struggle to trust and flow with the simple movement of messages from the Universe that are gently- or not so gently- tugging us along, catching our attention and bringing to light our actions, or our inactions. Why, the River calls, why do you resist the simple callings of your heart, why must you create barriers with your thoughts against the reality of your essence?

I will try not to make excuses, but I have some. The fear of not being heard, the constant projection of negative outcomes. To think of where these excuses might originate is a dangerous topic, one which is better to be left alone. We can pray for these to be shifted by the Being larger than us, we can give our worries to the Earth for transmutation. We can simply surrender to our flow, regardless of the outcome. It is a magical mystery that our Godly messages continue to push us forward towards greater healing, towards our truest core self. After being immersed, however, in the muddy landslide of our previous realities for lifetimes, No One Said It Would Be Easy. (In fact, there are a couple more old Sheryl Crow songs that come to mind regarding this current post that I will mention.)

Though we may be given various Godly messages throughout the day, and whether we trust them or not, whether or not we follow through; we still have to face the diversity of whether these messages will get through to the others involved. (Am I Getting Through?) Though we are all one, I have to ask myself if it is the thought of one or the other person… or is it something, some unseen force, between either of us that prevents the message from truly getting through? Is it the fear of not being able to face a reality that is so transparent, so Heavenly, that creates a discord and illusion of neglect~ not only in one on one connections, but the larger World? The greater cause?

If we ask ourselves, what is our mission, honestly? We may get answers, though sometimes daunting at first. If I can write bright light through all the discords of tension and fear, I will attempt to do that. The more we realize that of course, we are not the only ones who struggle and fight for truth, but that everyone is called to do so, the easier it will become. I have learned to rely more on the slightest internal messages, and trusting those, more so than outside influences or messages, however divine they may be.

It is comforting to know that those are always there, that we can always close our eyes and fall back, then be lifted up by something that shows us the answer we were looking for. I think it is a terrifying truth to know that perfection of a heavenly reality can exist suddenly, through the surrender and release of thoughts. To suddenly trust, and to suddenly fall, into the warm embrace of Unity into the wheel of life that is spinning, constant, and ever-changing… into the stream.

 

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The Divine Authority to BE Magic

intuition, Soul heartedly

We’re afraid of coming across as too much, due to past limited perceptions we’ve held of ourselves. We’re afraid to come across as too little, conforming to the standards of the typical societal norms for our ages, genders, and towns. We’re afraid of expressing the divine magical essence that lives within us and between us. We’re afraid of that for some reason.

We become consumed and forget that there are golden threads connecting all of us for grander purposes. We forget that beyond the perceptions we’ve held of our bodies and minds, that our hearts hold the greatest wisdom of all… that of all things to confuse or doubt, love is undoubtedly the most difficult of them all. To love is to see clearly. To see clearly is to love. To feel is to be real.

Yet in the midst and under the clouded doubt of fear and past perceptions, we could miss that. Or maybe we THINK we have to navigate and manipulate the clear threads of destiny that connect us. It seems so easy and so simple to lose the mind and the chaos of it all… but there must be something to the mind, some kind of benefit we’re getting out of that habit… right?

At some point in life, under the clouds of boredom, we step outside the limits of the cages that have confined us and define our own destinies. We must be true to our hearts even in times of difficulty. We must cast out the shame (that is not of our own, by the way) and live in the moment, in the essence, that is Life. To live is to be someone, to create something out of nothing, to be like nobody else because that’s what everyone else wants you to be. Because no one else in the world has your same heart. It’s fine. Your heart is unique to you, and to repress that is detrimental to the mind and body in more ways than one. This is a mandatory need that goes unnoticed by most, which is bothersome.

Some may call you a “soul warrior”. Some may call it being honest. Some may say you’re absolutely crazy and that your divine rights are not of any importance.

And when you begin taking the steps to release the fog in your mind, your clouds of fear and doubt, and begin courageously taking steps towards the light of connectivity and beauty… suddenly, even after- say, four years (or longer…)- of soul repression, you may notice things beginning to resurface. And you realize, in remorse, how much time has really passed and how long you’ve been living in bondage of threads of false perceptions and judgment that linger around your aura. It’s difficult to breathe this way, and sometimes one may completely lose himself, herself… drowning in muddy waters. Muddy waters of lies, derived from thoughts of some awful periods of misperceptions in the eyes of others.

When the light resurfaces, you almost wonder what it is. What do you even make of the newfound clarity, and the weight in your chest released, at long last?? Why don’t your feet ache constantly, why is your head less heavy? What ARE these free spaces of seemingly limitless, liberated TIME– an essence in the air that is so unfamiliar but so expansive that is like nothing you’ve ever experienced? And suddenly, after continually taking the steps you’re feeling called to do, after one day, your life suddenly FALLS into place and you’re wondering why you hadn’t thought of any of those ideas about “taking action” for the past few years??

It’s because you didn’t perceive those thoughts of a reality based in love to be real. It was almost something you didn’t believe belonged to you. But it does. It always has. We have always been the same soul throughout our lives, despite false perceptions and judgements that have been placed upon us by some other unknown force. It is time, if we haven’t been awakened to the divine magic that lies between us, to begin living that kind of authentic lifestyle. It is time to start believing in magic, and believing in the eternal force that binds us together. It is time to recognize that we have always had the authority to become real. It is time to reveal our internal essence of bravery and light out into the external world… through words, communication, writing, beauty, and all other expressions of love. It is time to simply be– be in the presence of life, taking action whenever the divine calls to you, and to eliminate forces of negativity that cause harm and separation.

Behind the darkness, after the landslide, between the veil, lies something stronger that cannot be destroyed. It is love and it is magic.

Ride Away, Ride the Wave

intuition, Small Miracles, Soul heartedly

I woke up in a fog– a fog of uncertainty, self-doubt, and confusion much like a hangover of such things that I’d been experiencing for quite awhile– years, perhaps. It was grief, of sorts… I was grieving the life purpose that I’d been adamant about fulfilling, or at least coming close to. My dream involved intuitive energy healing, art, and music. I hadn’t come close to fulfilling any of these arts, but I was especially set on intuitive energy healing with groups of others involved. These others were hard to get ahold of, hard to connect with, sending me into a pitfall of hopelessness.

I was always trying to manifest something positive out of the darkness set before me. The previous night, I’d been having a conversation with Spirit through writing, my last resort, pleading gently for some kind of solution or release for me to get through this grief. Asking for a path to unfold.

As I headed out to Natural Grocers in search of a yoga mat and some fruit on a morning of dog-sitting in the most adorable forest neighborhood, I had forgotten about that intention. My yoga mat was a torn-out disaster, and I really needed to do some yoga. Upon entering the store, I turned the corner towards the yoga mats and ran into a friend who embraced me and asked about my intentions of this early morning grocery store trip. I told her about the dog-sitting and about how yoga-deprived I was. She told me she’d give me a new yoga mat for free– which, of course, was a divine opportunity I couldn’t logically pass up. I thanked her, gratefully.

When I got in line at the checkout, I turned my head to the left only to notice Sadie, a friend from yoga class, appearing in the corner of my eye. I turned to greet her, mentioning what a coincidence it was that we kept repeatedly running into one another. For about nine months consistently, that is. I told her about my recent dog-sitting gig, to which she responded, “I could use you for dog sitting, because I’m going to Mexico to swim in some cénotes and maybe find some traditional healers to talk with,” she paused in optimistic contemplation, “Unless you want to come with me.”

Despite the wildly painful overthinking pattern that has run my life for so long, I eagerly booked the ticket to Cancún the next day with little hesitation. I tried to ignore the slight anxieties I held about losing possessions during flights to foreign countries, and just trust that it would be a good, smooth experience. As it would happen, we were both sending intentions of a smooth trip into our journey while conversing with angels, and so that’s exactly how it transpired.


We sat in the airport eating fruit and drinking coffee at 5 a.m., having a spiritually uplifting conversation. I was feeling grateful and amazed that of all people, having planned this less than a month in advance, I would be joining Sadie on a venture to Valladolid and Tulúm, Yucatan, Mexico. I could feel Gravity pulling me with an exerting force back to this sacred, ancient land which felt so much like a second home to me ever since my six-week summer trip in 2014. It was a study abroad course with University of Wyoming titled Mayan Art & Culture, in which 12 students including myself visited ancient ruins and studied Yucatec architecture, art, and culture throughout a few traditional villages, mostly Santa Elena. We each apprenticed with a mentor here; I studied with a Mayan herbalist and also gathered data from other shamans on the Peninsula.

With these ties to the culture, I was exhilarated about coming back to experience it again, as was Sadie, with her similar interests. We took our seats in the plane. As I sat down in the aisle seat, my seatmate was getting up to switch seats with another woman. The woman who sat down next to me in the center seat was relatively familiar looking, and we instantly connected. She was also a blogger and began telling me the themes of the entries on her blog… which were all coincidentally in alignment with my recent experiences. The entry she explained most in depth was one on grief– not necessarily the death of a person, but rather the death of an idea of some important endeavor one may have an attachment to– hence, the necessity to bury the idea and seek a new life purpose. Our next seat mate, a tall, gangly man was also a blogger. Together, we shared our stories of synchronicity and unity. We highlighted the significances beyond coincidence in human interactions. Our conversation outshone all other sleeping passengers on Flight 71. When we were served plastic cups of water, I made a toast with both seat mates to Synchronicity.


The familiar yet exotic aura of Valladolid was comforting and enticing as Sadie and I entered it in the rental car. Even the scent of this traditional Mayan city warmed my heart and comforted my soul. We navigated the series of one-way roads towards the hotel, which was a magical cove of jungle plants and antique brick walls painted in ancient Mayan-Mexican styles. Shortly after arriving, we walked the village streets towards downtown, asking for directions from other visitors in Spanish. However, we quickly noticed that those visitors were the only other tourists to be seen.

To be among the Valladolid villagers and immersed in this culture with Yucatecan aromas steaming from every other door we walked past was a beautiful thing. To take in this culture fully without the extra perceptions of any other foreigner is to take it in clearly in a new sense that nobody has yet discovered. Like first impressions: to be looked upon for the first time without hindrance of a third party is to see clearly. To smell clearly, and to think clearly.

An exuberant energy vibrated from every carefree child and into the air of the Plaza, which reflected other Yucatecan plazas with their historic fountain centerpieces and white-stone loveseats along the edges; tall shadowy trees, and the enchanting sound of the Spanish and Mayan languages escalating in laughter. We ate at a traditional Yucatecan open-air restaurant with neon colored lights penetrating the dark evening air. In any Yucatecan meal, I most look forward to the homemade cornflour tortillas hopefully cooked on limestone (“kal”), and so was delighted to have an entire stack of them sitting in front of me covered in a creatively patterned hand-woven basket.

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After sleeping in a beautiful silky hammock which I swore somehow changed colors from yellow to pink overnight, I awoke to roosters reminding me of when I would do my writing in the mornings on the balcony of Chacmool Hotel my first trip to Yucatan, the natural alarm clock of the day for all the villagers to awake simultaneously (unless they were already awake, for many villagers passionately await the morning hype). All the town comes to life and breakfast aromas of the most natural, finest, and simplest foods seep out into the open air from kitchens all over. We could smell ours, and headed to our open-air table served with fresh fruit and fresh bread with local coffee, black,.

We walked around town for a few minutes in the early sunshine upon which everything seemed to dazzle and everyone seemed to be so content, so happy. Though work for the artisans daily in their shops is not so simple as they would have it seem, each shop owner at every storefront was beaming a smile of welcome. There were women setting up a market on the sidewalk full of vivid vegetables and fruits; the girl offered me half an orange which I gratefully savored. Sharing flavors of the culture.

IMG_6030We set out in search of some cénotes after collecting some directions from the hotel attendant on which ones might be best. Tunneling down the roads outlined with jungle trees was such a restoration to the soul… smearing greenery and refinement across all the soul’s hidden aspects, as jungles of Mexico always have a tendency to do.

Descending down the steps into the cave, we entered a cool and mystical atmosphere. We were the only two swimmers in the large cenote, granting us time and freedom for spiritual and physical healing in the magical, deep waters. Catfish occasionally could be spotted. Birds fluttered in and out of crevices within the stone walls. I spent time floating, reflecting in one specific pool illuminated by strong rays of sunlight, making visible the depth of the cenote. I asked for a clear answer, and as I emerged out into the hotness and newfound clarity of the day, a multitude of butterflies in varieties of different colors fluttered around my face.

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There is only one other natural resource, in my opinion, that has more healing power than a cenote– and that is the Ocean. Before arriving in Tulum, we made a stop at the ruins in Coba. I was reminded of my song I started writing, in Spanish, the last time I had been in Yucatan. We sat on a log and connected with the roots of this land, the ancient mysticism of the Mayans and secrets of the Sun which they held. I purchased a hand-woven dreamcatcher with an owl woven within the center. Just being present here, I could sense the humidity of the Ocean and the mysteries of the Mayans pulling me in further to their homeland.

As we drove into the village of Tulum with the windows rolled down, the air was vibrant with exuberance and joy that only a special place such as this would exhibit. There was something particularly magical about the warm, clear waters of this coast. We settled into the cabana loft with shimmering dark wooden floors. Next, we walked through the village radiating with love and humidity, a shimmering happiness that could only be found on a coast such as this one… the street hazard signs displayed messages in segments: “If not now…” ,”When?” Though it was a touristy atmosphere, everyone seemed perfectly content. Exiting the car, we made our way to the beach and walked on the sand to the cabana loft.

I pulled out a book to read on the beach for the first night, but soon couldn’t contain the urge to run along the coast. I started out running, deeply inhaling the warm, humid, salty air. This was my first trip to the beach in nine years, and to be near the water felt so liberating to the soul. I paused occasionally to step into the water and allowed the waves to wash over me, cleansing my heart and mind. I sent out healing intentions through the palms of my hand, directed into the ocean to be washed up onto every other shore in all directions. I ran all the way to the opposite side of the coast, to which I couldn’t count the number of miles and instead was only blinded by the sunshine shimmering across my skin. I observed all the people who were laying out along the beach, soaking in the vastness of this sea and sky.

The full moon on the last night was radiant and shone upon dark waves of ocean. Along with the sound of a wedding DJ playing rock ‘n’ roll tunes and the aromas of the finest seafood in the near distance, the atmosphere was magical and inspirational. The intentions I had cast were now pouring into my own being and radiating along the atmosphere of all other beings. I was absorbing the beauty and magic of this land as it was absorbing me. This was the most peaceful setting on such a full moon… one in which I could remember myself and forget all other false perceptions. Especially while swinging on a wooden swing overlooking the ocean.

I was carried back from this ancient, tropical land with a state of clarity and renewal; a sense of strength obtained from breathing in the ocean and walking upon the sand. My normally constricted nasal passages were suddenly clear, and I could breathe life in to such a greater state of fullness. I stared out into the morning waves of the ocean for awhile before departure. I awaited the newer, much clearer state of living that I was about to enter upon returning to the Colorado snow. I remember striking up conversation with two elderly passengers who resembled family members of mine on the shuttle back from the airport. We talked about living in the area and found we had some mutual connections in the music community and also commonalities in areas of living. The energy upon arrival was evident that life was changing for us in positive ways– big ways.

I reminisced about the sun and the people I encountered during this journey, and would reflect on bringing that energy into the everchanging, sometimes terrifying, uncertainties in my life to move forward with, despite the “grief” of my missing pieces to my life purpose puzzle. Somehow, with the renewed sense of resilience within me, I felt motivated to restore them… no matter the cost.

Dreaming Prophetically, Profusely

intuition

When a song doesn’t immediately come of such a profound statement, a blog post must arise as an adequate substitute.

In such short, fleeting encounters that I have with customers at my job, it’s quite the miracle that I was fortunate enough to capture this phrase being born into the audible world from my new friend, Christina. While checking out her organic groceries in a rushed frenzy, I’m not sure how we stumbled across the subject of dreaming– and not simply dreaming– but “dreaming prophetically, profusely”. Perhaps the problem is that I shouldn’t flaunt my ability to stare into souls as I noticed that her left eye is half blue and half brown. Nevertheless, she shared with me her divine gift of being able to analyze and  relay answers to real-life daily dilemmas through the power of dreams and trusting our innate wisdom coming through to us from a higher power, aka (HP) 😉 .

Though our belief systems are perhaps driven by different perspectives of divine forces, still equally divine, the lesson I was inspired to relay is the importance of building our intuition by beginning to trust our dreams. I find it also highly important to hang dreamcatchers in as many locations as desirable, especially in the center of the window closest to your bed. I have not remembered my nightmares since as long as I have been doing this. Recognize the fact that your dreams may not immediately blossom into full fruition and sense until you begin keeping detailed track of them.

Eventually, one reaches the state of dreaming prophetically: dreaming of clues to tap into hidden secrets when they occur later on in future waking-world, or possibly even the next day. You can ask your divine source questions to be revealed to you through dreams in order to help you get through any situation you may feel bogged down by. When you do this, you may charge certain gems with intentions and place them under your pillow for vivid dreaming. Even better, experiment with herbal allies known for enhancing dreams such as mugwort, motherwort, elderberry flowers, juniper, etc… I always sleep better and remember dreams after a glass of wine, but trust in the power of herbs first before alcohol. 😉

I have a dream journal in which I document my dreams. I’ve noticed that when I first wake up, sometimes I’m not able to grasp the significance or the vividness… but I have always regretted not jotting them down regardless because I will remember intriguing snippets throughout the day and not remember the whole picture.

Sometimes, snippets are enough even if you don’t remember the whole picture.

Examples of my snippets include:

(1) Snapping open a nettle capsule and drinking it with water. I happened to catch a glimpse of this dream memory that morning, and so I attempted snapping open a nettle capsule but failed, so I simply swallowed the capsule with water. It was my subconscious/ higher self telling me I needed more green antioxidants for detoxification and purification. Without the capsule, it is probably more highly absorbable.

(2) Sticking the world peace sign bumper sticker (a gift) I’ve held captive for at least three years in my art box on my laptop. Perhaps as I’m out writing at a coffee shop like I am today, somebody special will notice. Or perhaps it is an ornament to inspire me to get out my laptop and write more creative blog posts.

(3) A brief spotting of a labyrinth inside a church in my town after asking my dreams how my life could unfold more easily. Walking labyrinths is an act of doing just that. A woman also appeared in this dream, who has appeared before whenever I ask questions. Today, I walked the labyrinth with her and experienced an explosion of highly creative, divine energy. So far, it has been very healing and I can sense greater things unfolding.

(4) A vision of my best friend and I at a beach in Florida, holding a treasure chest full of gold tokens and making wishes with the tokens by throwing them into the sea. Today– (apologies for the misuse of ‘today’, as this entire post has been written in so far three different days which distorts your perspective of time… but time is a false concept, anyway, right?) — I called her to ask if she was going to Florida this summer. It happens that she is currently there this moment, and she suggested I get a ticket to visit her while she’s still there. This is very possible and I may be able to do this next week.

Sometimes dreams will give you hints of what you should or could do to enhance your life… the next day, or into the future. But if you ever get into a stuck crisis, remember that you can always ask your inner divine self what the next movement or action should be. I have always received accurate guidance, or foresights into events that end up happening in the future which I can later reference to a certain dream to find meaning.

Resistance to following your intuitive dreaming- especially if you decide to ask your dreams and then refusing to follow your own guidance- may cause confusion, weariness, feelings of stagnancy, and lack. This, however, can be a very enlightening– though very painful– path to take. If you’re ever in this state, try to be still and notice what memories come to mind. Any dreams? It wasn’t until I felt I was clawing at the cage that I had the courage to act upon certain dreams that I knew would get me out of that hole. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams. Follow them out of curiosity, and keep a journal of what happens. As long as the intention is out of curiosity rather than fear, you won’t steer yourself wrong unless it feels utterly wrong to take any action towards it.

Christina’s last words to me in our previous encounter were, “Dream on, and be blessed.”

If you follow every dream, you might get lost…

Remember to be here now, not lost in your mind. But still begin to recognize the divine miracles that can occur and WILL occur if you are brave enough to follow your positive inspiration you receive through the sleeping state.

 

Becoming the Stream

Soul heartedly

If you’re afraid, do not fear. You are not alone.

Everyone’s afraid of something. Everyone’s afraid of words. Everyone’s afraid of love. Everyone’s afraid of success. Everyone’s afraid of truth. Everyone’s afraid of rejection. Everyone’s afraid to dream. (Well, maybe not everyone is afraid to dream, although it is a terrifying concept). And it’s really hard to keep moving forward pursuing your deeepest desires when we dwell within such a fearful mindset. It’s really easy to “go with the flow” and try to forget about your fears and remain in a place of stagnancy, stuck on a stone in the river with water cascading past you, without you.

And there you remain plastered to an ancient, cold, lonely stone… growing mold and trying to tell yourself you’re at peace with your mind and your heart. Well, this is a great place to be. Sometimes it’s the only place to be, because moving forward with or without the fear might disrupt your comfort zone and cause so much anxiety that you could die. You don’t consider the option that you could become the stream, that you are the stream and always have been the stream.

Be aware. Be aware that anxiety is not your own– that possibly anxiety exists in everyone because we are all human (except a select few coming from distant galaxies reincarnated in human form, of course– but even they have to learn to overcome fear), and this is the reason we’re all in a lonely place of fear and rejection and not extending our power into the Earthy realms nor the ether! And perhaps our personal fears are reflected into worldly fears (politics, weather, wars, etc)…

However, this is not a story in which words are the answer. This is a story of acceptance and understanding that if you feel you’ve done all you can do, maybe you have. Then ask yourself, is this something you can really live without? Is this something you CAN find in another form? If the answer to either of these is yes, then leave the situation behind to be recycled into something even better.

Sometimes we don’t overcome our fears in time, but this is only because we must learn from our fears. We must recognize the growth process around such fears, bringing us into a new state of confidence and courage. From this place, we CAN move forward and overcome anything we want to overcome in order to be wherever, whoever we want to be. The good thing is that if we don’t die of our anxieties, whether we face our fears or not, we are inevitably guided towards a better place in our lives to which eventually, fear of a certain situation will literally evaporate and we will have a magical revelation of the truth.

Sometimes there are mistakes we make, and sometimes we talk ourselves into the extreme of saying, “There are no mistakes so I must be in the right place at the right time, and I must be doing the right thing by following my fears instead of leaping outside my corner of the forest and into the vast ocean of bravery and freedom.

This is also a story of utilizing our innate powers of intuition and following the signs that lead us on, even if we are rejected, even if we don’t receive the outcome we desire. Because the signs are only trying to push us outside our comfort zones and teach us that it is possible to do something we never thought we’d be bold enough to do, because it “just isn’t who we are” to be brave or to be courageous or to act out of love for acknowledgement of self.

We DO have the authority and the capability to take actions towards our truths because we are more than our fears. Even if something we believe in doesn’t matter to anyone else, we must still believe in it because it matters to us. And we have helpers to help us along the way.

Some things you might try to overcome anxieties and begin living your new, fearless, courageous, beautiful life:

  1. Forgive yourself and express gratitude towards those who have hurt you.
  2. Learn about Flower Essences. These can create shifts in something specific you may be overwhelmed with. Flower spirits are close allies.
    1. Red Chestnut~ allows you to love without fear and recognize how your fear affects not only you, but others. (When I began taking this, I was overcome with a sudden slap in the face of how extremely I was causing a disturbance of natural factors by telling myself I was too afraid. After freaking out for a bit, I was sent into a state of clarity and realization of the steps I needed to take to move forward.)
    2. Willow~ denotes some of the anxiety you might feel when it is difficult to move forward.
    3. Mimulus~ an aid in encouragement which pushes you to do things you feel otherwise might be impossible.
  3. Drink more water. Dehydration may be one factor of irrational fears, or so I’ve been guided to say.
  4. Soak in a hot springs as often as possible, or take salt/mineral infused baths.
  5. Omega-3 supplements
  6. Vitamin D + SUN to brighten your perspective
  7. Earthing- aka allowing the Earth to absorb your worries as you lay on the ground or walk barefoot
  8. Trust the process.
  9. EFT Tapping.

Still, you must know that you are strong enough to speak the truth of your heart to others, to do what you believe in, to stand up for yourself– to express yourself in any necessary way– in exactly the condition you are. You have the power and the right to do these things despite your fears, anxieties, sinus problems that cause speech problems, dialect, accent, mental fog… despite your insecurities, the perception that you’re overweight, that your face is too red or too dry to talk to anyone today, despite your chronic sinus congestion, your oily hair, the fact that your feet hurt, that you don’t feel free because you’re deprived of the sun… despite your age, the color of your hair, your height, and any other weaknesses.

You still have the right to do whatever you want, wherever you are and however are you currently, because nobody requires you to be perfect. We all know that when we have a seemingly perfect day, we can count on something to go wrong the next. Yet we find beauty in it. We find a way to move forward and believe in ourselves because we matter. We are matter, after all, and nothing is out of place. We have our own beliefs and ideas for a reason. All we have to know is how to trust the process.

® Camille Garcia, 2017

We ARE the Missing Threads

Soul heartedly

If anyone has ever told you, “In order to be loved, you must first love yourself…” and left it at that, I want you to recognize that this is a very dangerous and melancholy mindset to dwell within. What does it mean to love yourself fully, and how is it humanly possible to grow into a space of self love if you believe that you are unable to receive love from others if you don’t even know what it means to love yourself? I want you to know that it is extremely difficult to feel isolated in the world, cut off from support for fear that you are being judged for your imperfections, which represent proof that you don’t fully love yourself (right)?

Love is not something we can do alone. We are all the missing threads that complete one another, and if we become so absorbed within our own heads that we become blind to the outside beauty and numb to the outside energy that is yet a vital part to our being. So if anyone has ever told you this, they are probably not lonely only children and have never truly been in a place of extreme isolation and desolation. And yes, both of these things are only illusions… but they can become so real in the physical world if we truly believe we have to conceal our love within ourselves, solely.

Love has to be reflected, whether it is in the eyes, in energy, in clear lakes, in the stars. We have to realize that we’re part of all of that. I have learned that others’ perception of selfish love leads one down a desolate path plagued by ego. The egotistic mindset haunts you, whispering all your imperfections and insecurities to you through the gusty wind.

What we must learn to do is expand our minds to the external beauty and cultures and how this is a total reflection of us. What we see in the eyes of others: the anger, the beauty, the cosmic illumination, the ever-changing colors, sparkling blue oceans, intimidating red hues as real as the core of Planet Earth– these are all reflections of what we have within us. And we have to learn that these are all safe qualities. We have to learn that living life to the fullest means making mistakes and consciously not following rules staked down in our paths. That we cannot exist for ourselves, because without knowing others and without knowing the world and the outer worlds, we have no way of understanding ourselves in the least bit.

Because if we release the anxieties of our personal lives and expand our minds even further into the Universe, we might realize we are an essential part of all of it. That the Universe exists in all of us, and for us. And the we exist for the Universe, that we are the Universe. We are whatever we want to believe. We have more power than we think. And yet we think too much.

Most importantly, we must realize that there is a multitude of magical beings desperately hinting their love and attraction towards us, frustrated that we still don’t recognize that within ourselves despite our constant strides towards “self-love”, still blinded by the fog of guilt and not being perfect yet. We won’t ever be perfect as we perceive it, but in the eyes of many complimentary beings, we are so perfect as we are. Some are even blind to our self-perceived imperfections because they see us as their own beautiful reflection. Not only are external factors a reflections; it is two-sided. WE are a reflection of the Universal, Godly magic and beauty in everyone else if we can see ourselves this way.

Most importantly, love has to be reflected in words. You need to understand that you are so beautiful as you are even in your imperfect health, facial flaws, inconvenient setbacks, etc… and that so many people are already placed in your path, eager to love and accept you for all of that whenever you allow them to. Loving yourself is accepting yourself for all the beliefs you lock down deep within, accepting that everybody has insecurities that won’t be resolved no matter how hard we try until we surrender to acceptance. 

And accepting that nobody else we love will ever be perfect, so we must learn to love beyond the flawed perceptions and into Truth and wholeness of oneness.

®Camille M. Garcia (2017)

 

Reflection 

creativity

Remember that everything is always a reflection. What needs are you rejecting yourself? Consistency in self-care and self-love inevitably leads to a world-view mirror of unconditional love and reciprocation… and you’ll be able to recognize -or find- your mirror in others of radiant beauty. Be able and willing to bend without breaking, yet always remember your roots. 

Healing the Disconnect

Abstract Essays, Uncategorized

There are 7.5 billion inhabitants of Earth, and yet I believe it must be the loneliest planet in the Galaxy. As I sat alone examining my thoughts on a wintery night as I have most of my life, I found myself questioning my physical existence– and I am sure there are still many others out there pondering the same thing. I found myself questioning the authority of my feelings and my words- where they were going- as I was in a state of desperation and nobody would respond. If I could estimate the percentage of times my heartfelt messages of whatever form have been left unresponded to, I would estimate about 85%.

This reaction, or perhaps a lack of reaction, strung me into a state of being not only resistant– but utterly terrified to reach out to any of the connections I perceive as meaningful. So in this state, I begun searching for external signs to pave my path. I had not been following my heart out of fear, and for explainable reason: I didn’t know if my heart had authority to connect. I’d been searching for answers and meanings everywhere, and was tired of trying. There were times when I felt I’d been sent into a deathly coma in which my soul was dying. I was tired of dying. In this time, I had no other option than to quit. I could no longer manipulate the ways of the Universe to attract someone or something into my life; I could only surrender to the silence and loneliness and just be.

If you have ever been here, it is a lonely and sad place to be– and yet also a revolutionary place. It is one in which one’s heart finally breaks out of a state of numbness inside a cage and into one of recognition that you really are alone in this life, even though, “we are all one”. Finally, my heart broke lose into hard sobbing- something that hadn’t happened for awhile. I could feel the deprivation of chemicals and minerals in my body affecting my mind, with the knowing that simply being in physical contact with others would change this and I wouldn’t have to spend so much damn money on supplements and treatments if I could simply have more human contact, naturally. The word “depression” crossed my mind. But I don’t like being depressed and helpless because although sometimes I may not feel supported by others, I’m an optimist and I’m constantly in communication with the cosmos. I like to search for the answers, wherever they may be. Perhaps my tears ignited a more positive chemical reaction and caused me to draw information from the akashic records of the Earth. Maybe I was alone; but I was alone together with another body of beings who also perceive themselves to be alone.


The loneliness I was feeling was not all of myself. I knew I must have been feeling the loneliness of Earth. Mother Nature also longs for human touch. She longs to feel our caress. She longs to feel our feet upon her core. She longs to heal our wounds. The answer on that day was writing. As I found myself wishing I didn’t have to be in existence since all the people I care about most don’t have time for my words or my presence, I asked why I was still here. If I was still in existence, there must be a reason. And there must be somebody out there listening. Then I recalled a confrontation I had with a curandero in Albuquerque this fall. At the time, I couldn’t perceive any direct relevance to the words he told me, but I listened. The words that came to mind this day were, “We need you here. We need your words. You’re supposed to write about what we’re doing to each other.”

I have done nothing but perfect my physical being, taking the repeated advice from others that: “You need to learn to accept yourself, because if you don’t accept yourself, nobody else will.” Somehow I tried to turn this advice into something valid, and overtook years of spiritual growth practices with a goal to accept myself and become more confident. I was tired of trying so hard to be perfect, though. Nobody is, right? We don’t need to spend any more time worrying about what might be wrong with us. Nothing is wrong with us. We must see the sad truth about our disconnected society that we live in, and we must accept that as an answer. I physically didn’t know how to go on alone, and yet I was so terrified and anxious to reach out for help because of my past experiences

The writing revolutionary has changed my perspective on life, although I have postponed publishing this for too long. I hope my purpose is to become a person able to feel once more, and to receive and give and love like I haven’t been able to. I am worthy of unconditional love from myself and from others, and so is everyone else.

Why do I have the authority to speak to you and receive a response? The unresponse rate I receive is so high that it has sent me into a state of being not only resistant in all forms of communication, but absolute fright and extreme anxiety. I know we’re all busy, but we’re tearing each other apart. We’re clawing at the threads that bind us together, unintentionally. We’re creating an unsafe place for our fellow humans to be, one of fear and fright for simply expressing the simplest things on our minds. If there’s a reason you won’t ever be able to respond to somebody, whether they are close to your heart or not, you need to tell them precisely why that is. There needs not be fear involved; however, because some reaction and reciprocation is a better response than none, and will prove to be less detrimental to mental health.

Things we can do to heal the disconnect:

  1. Cut back on social media. Deactivate your Facebook or Instagram accounts for awhile. You can always get them back whenever you need them, if you do, because they never really disappear. These are not real forms of connection. Use the time you spare by reconnecting with your intuition and innate telepathy with other humans: who is it that’s calling and needs your support? Is there somebody that’s been crossing your mind that you’ve been ignoring? This is likely not a coincidence. Our minds are connected and this person is calling you from afar, but is afraid to reach out! You must reach out to this person in physical form.
  2. Take down your television. If I have ever rented a space containing a TV or a microwave, I have disconnected it from power for multiple reasons. Yes, electronic emissions are harmful to our health and disruptive to our sleep patterns. Furthermore, this is living in either a fictional world or a vamped-up negative version of our real world. What is real to you? Do you think you really have to take on the entire world’s problems and wars at once, single-handedly? Is this an excuse that you’re constantly busy? If you are taking action and consuming your time with changing multiple distant causes, this may be rewarding and bring about a multitude of positive karma. However, this may also activate more anxiety and worry for you which can consume your time, when there are others nearby who might be needing to talk.
  3. Cut back your work hours. Forty hours or more is really an extremely detrimental amount of time to spend indoors. So find another job outdoors. Seriously. You’ll figure it out; it won’t be the end of the world. We need more time to meditate and act out of a place of love rather than extreme fright that our words aren’t being received. We need one another. Mother Earth needs us. Volunteer at a garden center, or wherever it is in your particular environment that needs your attention.
  4. If this isn’t “possible” for you yet and you are unable to immediately break free of a long-term limited mindset, at least find the time to connect with nature once a day by taking a walk and contributing elements to the air, (especially walking barefoot when possible), visiting an art gallery reflective of nature and/or human spirit, and making it a priority to acknowledge and express compassion to every soul you encounter.
  5. Forget about “energy vampires”. !!! If you are one to push away those with “negative energy” (aka those who are depressed and in need of human interaction)– you are probably one yourself. You’re really not so different as you think. Instead, be kind and reciprocal. You never know. The one “energy vampire” I encountered since my move ended up being the one to clean up my new tattoo with care and give generous advice. If it’s truly becoming a problem, remember to ground yourself in every way and use healing protection in whatever form resonates most with you. Let your friends know that they are loved, and when you can’t reciprocate every word, suggest that they journal before speaking.
  6. Reconnect with long-lost friends and family. It was as though you’ve both completely thrown your memories into the void of potential nonexistence for as many years as you haven’t contacted each other OUT OF FEAR that you weren’t worth the time and the other was probably busy. Guess what? Love never dies, and you ARE worthy of friendship and time out of someone’s day– especially if your intention is only to make it brighter! Please explain to me, if you disagree, why you might be a burden in someone’s life if you dare to ask a question as simple as “How are you?” Or even better, to more deeply heal the wounds of disconnect, say exactly what’s on your mind. “I love you and miss you, and I’ve been thinking about you this week!”
  7. Just be real. Sometimes it doesn’t feel safe to express what’s in your heart because of fear that it won’t be reciprocated. Do it anyway, because this is a powerful way of healing the void and changing the world of communication we live in. Even if someone doesn’t know how to respond to something so heartfelt, perhaps this will send them on a journey to healing the numbness in their own heart in order to receive this kind of love. This is what my journey has been. We want to be real, we want to heal. “I want to live/ I want to give/ I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold… It’s these expressions I never give/ That keep me searching for a heart of gold/ And I’m getting old”/ (Neil Young)
  8. Invite a stranger to go out with you. For coffee, for dinner, to a rustic bar, to an exhibit of some sort. You can make it as weird as you want, so long as you’re serious about wanting to get to know this person, whomever they may be. Perhaps you’re sensing a serious connection for some reason you’re dying to figure out, and you should! You could have been related in a past life, be connected by several degrees of separation, share multiple passions, be living a parallel life… If this is the case, trust your intuition and speak what’s on your mind.

Life can be magical when we are open and reciprocal of our truthful words and passions. Life is magical when we are compassionate. Connecting with nature instead of technology can help us all with compassion and intuition, because this is what our world truly needs right now. I feel that the world is in a lonely state of desperation. Don’t ignore her… attune yourself and be attentive to her needs. Everything is a reflection, so in doing this, I would encourage you to notice all kinds of positive karma in exchange for caring and loving the Earth.

Namaste,

Willow